End of 2012.

Right so I have a lot written, I know there are some dedicated fans out there.

I just had no time at all rushing all over Asia to even think about compiling all this on a computer.

For those of you who missed it, please see an earlier post on the start of the trip.

Stay posted for my India Review Special. I have analysed the country like no one before. Because it is one fucked up place and well worth reading if you ever plan to go there, which you should. Nothing compares to India

Motorbike trip, Laos

So the rest of my sisters friends arrived and we planned to a motorbike trip inland from Pakse, which is in Southern Laos. Organising 8 people is a logistical nightmare but eventually we were on the road. Inland from Pakse we headed up onto the Bolevan Plateu a region famous for its coffee and waterfalls. It's beautiful driving through rural villages. It was plain sailing for the first few hours until we decided to stop for an 11am beer. As you do. We had the beer in this tiny village. The one shop had a mini fridge with just enough Beer Lao for all of us. The beer was drunk and back to the bikes to carry on with the riding.

Little shit drives a hard bargain for fish food, failing

Oh shit, missing key debacle. One of the boys keys had slipped out of his pocket. The hunt was on for the key which is the size of an old 50c coin. Sifting through the dust and pigs poo invested creek the search was not going well. The villagers were wondering what the hell we were doing. Eventually they caught on to what was needed and began helping. The introduction of a $2 reward saw effort increased 10 fold and one of the little kids is now the richest person in the village and would probably go on to buy a majority stake in the local shop. Onwards to Tad Lo.

Village Folk

Lost Key debacle

Sword fighting 

Towns richest kid on the right

Tad Lo is an idealic river/waterfall side village. Minimal guesthouses and a chilled out vibe, far from the hand that kills anything special. The hand of mass tourism. Dinner was had with a few lethal Lao Lao whiskey shots (a local brew) and the night concluded with a bonfire and assorted local produce... Off the next day for some swimming at some of the near by waterfalls and then a serious off road mission on the city motorbikes to find a hidden gem. Some would say you need a Honda 250cc dirt bike to do this track, but here if you think you need a dirt bike you will soon realise that locals thrash their town scooters up these paths regularly. A near huge disaster happened when one of the motorbikes collided with a cow at 60kph, how the bike and the 2 passengers remained up right still amazes me, the cow will definitely be showing some signs of gravel rash!

Tad Lo waterfall

Back to Pakse we boosted. Dual flat tires slowing us down, typical you would get 2 in the last few kilometres of the 200km trip. A massive Indian feed went down that night. With the option of going north, south or a potential trip to Burma/Myanmar as my options I was left in a predicament where to go. Burma has just opened up for tourists so is proving very popular, with online forms saying you need to book accommodation well in advance (screw that) and that all planes and buses are booked out ruled that out. A shame really, another country would have been nice to add to the passport. So either go back to Cambodia or head north. Having done northern Laos last year I decided to head with the group back to where the beers, the accommodation and the food is cheap. 

My new 2nd home - Cambodia. 

Of course this is never easy, 16 hours bus trip filled with boarder scams, not enough seats, and the worst road imaginable as per usual. The only highlight would be the petrol stop we had. A wedding was happening at the petrol station. How good are 3rd world countries, you can celebrate the marriage of your daughter while filling up your car with some unleaded 95. Beautiful stuff. Free beers courtesy of the bride and groom. What up! Arriving at the bus stop in back blocks of Phnom Penh greeted by the tuk tuk drivers ready to rip you off. I was not in the mood for any bullshit. $5 each they demanded, lost the plot. Spun the yarn that I am a local (which I'm claiming now) and know the prices are outrageous. No budge from them. So just start the walk to town, this is a big ask, we have been on the bus for 16 hours, patience is wearing thin in the group. And if you walk the wrong way away from town they know you are not local at all. We got the 50:50 right and of course they follow us. They want our money, we want the ride. $1 each is finally agreed upon. 

I should also write a book on Tuk Tuk haggling. I'm a self proclaimed professional now. They see me coming and their like "oh shit the urban legend is true, it's Olly, no way are we going to rip him off". 

Get to the guesthouse and head down for a well deserved midnight beer. A poster seen on the wall would prove to provide one of the most entertaining nights of the 21st century. The first even Tuk Tuk bar crawl happening the next night. Hell yes, sign us up! As most of your know a bar crawl is a recipe for disaster. A Cambodian bar crawl is next level. Doing a Cambodian bar crawl after already drinking 13 beers is a death sentence. You know how there is always the token drunk at a party, we collectively as a group of 9 were next level. The beer bong, the shots, the unnecessary vodka red bulls at the first bar would be our down fall. The poster promises some drinks (refer below)

We get in the Tuk Tuk, bottle of vodka, a chilly bin full of beer and cruisers. Jeepers. The 2nd bar is a haze, the 3rd bar is a blur, and then back to Pontoon, Phnom Penhs premier nightclub. Maybe one day the photos will surface, they are a sight and a half. One person ended up walking the streets till 10am trying to get home. The dorm room was a collection of moaning people in desperate need of water the next morning. The 2pm bus soon approached and we were heading back to the beaches of Sihanoukville. For more crazy nights. Finding accommodation for a large group in peak season is hell. Ended up staying in the Sihanoukville Sinners Motorcycle Club hotel. As you do. It was beaching during the day, drinking at night. A 2am sea swim in the lightening with the glow of phosphorescence was amazing but the robbery of one of the girls iphone's, cash and credit cards was not good as we were drunkenly frolicking in the sea. But we were targets and asking for it.

The single internet safe photo, also this is a Cambodian Tukj Tuk. A motorbike attached to a carriage thingy

Otres Beach, sign reads: Free Wifi Draft Beer $0.75 all day. A dream combo really

As I was walking home I saw a motorbike for sale. In the state that I was in it needed it, I fired off a 5am email and the next day I was in possession of a Honda 125cc motorbike for $80. Bargain! #yolo #impulsebuy. The seller was leaving that night and had to leave the bike. In the Asian Backpacker Motorcycle trading business she is know as a sitting duck. So offered a low price which she had to accept, I could have offered her $1 which she would have had to accept but she was NZ so felt bad. In perfect working order it was nice to be on my own wheels again. Me and another guy went on a mission that day where we stumbled across a buzzy Russian woman who took us off road to a waterfall. The new bike got a thrashing that day that's for sure.

My wheels and all my baggage

The group wanted to go out to the islands, I straight up couldn't be bothered again so headed off on the Moto to Kampot the next day. I love this chiller town. Leaving Sihanoukville I got pulled over by the police. Had my headlight on, no international drivers license on a Vietnamese registered motorbike. Lovely. As mentioned before, money talks. 'You pay me fine!' 'How much?' I asked, 'You decide' Paid him off $5, corruption. Love it! Thinking back a $1 would have done the job. I was happily on my way with the instructions not to run red lights. I ran the first one I saw. Lights are just unnecessary in Cambodia. No one stops. The ride to Kampot was a few hours and was pretty chilled once you get off the main road with all the big trucks trying to kill you.  Arrived at Blissful Guesthouse and straight back into the hammock.

Kampot

Gave her a $1, a days wage probably for her. Working at midnight picking up rubbish to recycle

I ended up meeting a Finnish, Swedish and Dutch guy and a girl from Switzerland. We discussed numerous topics including the profession sport of Saunaing. Who can stay in a sauna the longest, popular in Scandinavia. It's has since been banned due to the last competition resulting in a death and the other competitor loosing skin from his face. This would provide the name for our quiz team that night at the guesthouse 'Sauna Backpackers' we came last, but had numerous drinks whole doing so. Just had another chill day buzzing around the surrounding villages of Kampot the next which concluded with a poker night. Never play poker against Europeans. They are amazing, I put up a alright fight. A guy we played poker with lived in Kampot and agreed to take us to a Cambodian club where no westerners go. It was a Wednesday night I recall. Kampot is like a small New Zealand town, nothing happens at night. Unless you know someone. Our Tuk Tuk driver was keen for some party action as well so joined us. The guy that took us there turned out to be a bit of a sleaze and picked up a girl and left within 20min but the rest of us to tore the dance floor up. (On a side note prostitution and even more so child prostitution are a major issue here so its quite common to see very young girls around these places, a few dollars will get what you want if you are a sleaze ball)

Cambodians do things differently in clubs. They play upbeat songs, then play slow one allowing people to get drinks. The Dutch guy was not having a bar of this. Being a DJ himself he jumped into the booth and began mixing up the songs. Soon security was onto him and out the door. Possible highlight of the trip. The swede and I were loving it. Being a Cambo club, no one spoke English which forced us the pour our own drinks behind the bar. Some ruthlessly strong red bull vodkas were poured that night. It seemed that the Cambodians had never seen the amazing concoction that is the Red Bull vodka before. On the way home I had to down a Cambo subway at the only place that was open. This shit requires an iron stomach. Spam and mystery bull shit in a semi stale bread roll served from the hands of a dirty street stall worker. It's tough. I hit the road to Phnom Penh the next day as I had a sale lined up for my bike. $150, yes I made money, I could have made more. What an investment. Nearly as good as investing in Bridgecorp and South Canterbury finance.. Oh wait..  

Getting to the buyers location would prove tough, driving into the back section of Phnom Penh in dense traffic to roads where the numbers make no sense resulted me having to call in to a random house and ask to use the internet. Google maps you saviour. Found the place after 2 hours and handed the keys over to a Western English teacher. Happy with the cheap price he paid. I planned to have a really early night. Was pretty drained and booked a late night bus the next day to Siem Reap. Caught up a with some friends that night however, never play drinking games before a late night bus. I missed pick up and had to be rushed to the bus station on the back of a motorbike. My last time in Phnom Penh. The 6th time I'd passed through on my trip. Everyone has their favourite city. I knew it well, I knew where to get anything and everything. You will be missed Phnom Penh.

I rate the best Temple in Asia and the only one actually worth visiting

Siem Reap is home to one of the 8th wonders of the world, Angkor Wat. The largest religious building in the world. I huge stone temple. I went last year but never got to watch sunrise over the temple which is a must. On the way to buy tickets we witnessed a rampaging buffalo through the streets of Siem Reap. Police on radio, locals fleeing, it smashed into parked motorbikes sending them flying. Beautiful viewing. Had an amazing dinner and talked to our waiter. $2 a day, works 2 jobs, his father sick and he's trying to help him out, 4 hours sleep a night. Just one of the numerous hardships you experience. Slipped him a few dollars, Another big night, followed. Buckets are the Angkor What?! Bar. Each containing half a bottle of whiskey. 2 of these and a few beers before 5am wake up for sunrise was a huuuuge mistake. 50min sleep, still drunk watching sunrise then boom hits you like a ton of bricks. Hangover! 30 degree plus temperatures, humidity, empty stomach, dry mouth. HELL!

Followed by the best bar

Street kid that tried to steal my t-shirt. bitch

Worse than the day after a ruthless red card. Getting back to the guesthouse all I wanted was sleep and that's all my body got. It's Asia so you have to back up, out again that night. Angkor what?! Bar aaaagain. Numerous half bottle of whiskey buckets. Bus the next morning all the way to Bangkok, this took from 9am until 9pm, usual. Stuck at the boarder for 3 hours, computer system broke. 2 hours spent outside in the heat, pretending to be a Thai national and going down their line into the immigration office proved a good call as I was treated with air conditioning. Yarned to Canadian girl on the bus, well she did the yarning, a lot of it. Topics ranging from the state of Montreals public transport system to the first food you would have when you get home. "Ohh my gawd, does New Zealand ooonly have 4 million people" kill me.

This photo fully sums up Bangkok, they are bracelets

In Bangkok we had sorted a nice place for Christmas on the backpacker street Khao San Road. Christmas Day, one of the best. I'm all down for seeing family, eating good food etc but other than that Christmas day is just another day to me. Overseas it's nice to get away from the commercial bullshit and shopping in malls for tacky presents. And Bangkok knows how to turn it on. Drinks were purchased from 7-11 early on. 

7-11 is very similar to our Night and Day 24 shops, yet where 7-11 excels is in 2 areas, 

1: everything is cheap, supermarket liquor prices, 600ml of pure Thai beer rolls off the self at About $1.50 a bottle. At an unregulated 6.4% these make solid buying.  

2: they have microwaves and toasties machines in the shops. Buy a $1 toasties and it's made fresh in front of you. The staff obviously have perfected the art of thy humble toastie because wow. They are good! Buying drinks from 7-11 to drink on the street is the cheapest option if you ever come to Bangkok.

Christmas

Played secret Santa as a big group, acquired another bracelet and a traditional style Cambodian shirt. As you do. The day was just more drinking, more eating. As night rolled around things heated up. Buckets were being sunk, 7-11 Smirnoffs were doing the trick that we snuck in the bars. And then the 2 words, the 2 words that either send excitement or disgust to roll over someone's face. Ping pong.

Ping Pong place

Christmas Dinner. 50c Pad Thai. 

Soon enough there is 2 Tuk Tuks crammed full of drunk New Zealanders on the way to Patpong Road. Ping pong show central. The highlight of the trip is going there, hitting speeds of 80kmph in a 3 wheel overloaded vehicle is simply priceless. Arriving at the neon infested street and side alleys of Patpong we decided on our destination. Refer to picture. It's buy an overpriced drink watch the show. The following happened because I may have or may not have brought a drink. Ash tray thrown at us, sister getting pinched, security and police called (its illegal so police would never come) and having 3 Thai bar staff loose the plot at me. Looking back it was stupid, I was extremely low on money but did I or did I not pay for the drink. If you know me well enough you know the answer. 

People out there will want to know the tricks. Smoking a cigarette, blowing out a birthday cake, writing a message, shooting darts, opening bottles, and the standard ping pong balls. Why the hell we went there on Christmas day I will never know. The drive home was something special. With one of the boys, climbing around into the drivers seat and take control of the Tuk Tuk and the driver climbing into the passenger area all while flying down the street of Bangkok. Once again, priceless. Back on Khao San Road, another few drinks. Bed was calling though. The next morning the news came through that one of the girls had watched a Thai get murdered with a crowbar and a head stomping. We were with 100m of this but you would never know. It's just another crazy moment in the city that never sleeps - Bangkok.

Tuk Tuk home from Ping Pong show

Boxing day went to the tallest building in Thailand. Amazing that from every direction you cannot see the edge of the city. 4 times the population of New Zealand in one city. Crazy.  Everywhere you travel you realise that NZ is so small and so isolated. We headed off to the island Koh Phagan, in the Gulf of Thailand. Home of the famous Full Moon party. Everyone is here. At one time there would have been 50 people, majority Otago Uni students having drinks at our resort. This was just 7 days straight of 5am plus nights, full of buckets, cheap Thai vodka and everything else in between. How I am alive I don't know.

Highlights and lowlights. 

Sneaking into the jungle party. $12 entry fee or the option of a jungle bash, barbed wire, security and mud. Being highly intelligent students, with student loans to pay off and being role models for tomorrow's society, option 2 made more sense. Favourite pair of shorts destroyed on barbed wire. Carting a sewing kit over here with by chance the exact same colour thread to do a repair job = fate.

Partying in a tropical torrential rainstorm in the trance/house/techno jungle party.

Staying up until 10am on New Years day at the beach until the music stopped. 

My potential life saving of a girl who had been facedown in the waves, not moving for a good amount of time. Dragging her heroin overdosed body onto a table was tough work at 8am on New Years day. Surf lifesaving NZ get in contact with me.

Being 30m away from a Thai gang shoot out on the beach results in the death of a English man on New Years.

Being pick pocketed on New Years morning (only $4 luckily + my prized Westpac card holder wallet), good on the guy for getting me. He chose his target well, drunk person eating a mouthwatering chicken sub drenched in mayonnaise who had freshly put his wallet in his shallow pocket of his shitty cotton on shorts.  

Having my sister in great form deciding to fill my shoes up with sweet chilli and tomato sauce. 

You could talk for ages about this place, but it's one of those things where everything is a 'you had to be there to understand moment' It's Rythmn and Vines mixed with a beach, 40000 people all in fluoro clothing from all over the world, cheap alcohol and a hint of potential death around every corner.

Some won't rate it, it all depends on who you are with at what you are prepared to put your body through. This was a far different experience to the last one I went to. However it was nice to finally leave the island and return to the reality of Bangkok, if that even is reality (via a 15 hour boat, bus, couldn't find accommodation. Combo. The BBC) and the onwards flight to Nepal. Home of Mt Everest for the geographically challenged.

Please stay tuned for various stories:

Drug Dealer in Nepal
Climbing higher than Mt Cook
Sleeping with homeless people
Slums in India
Poverty in India
More death, more fun and more crazy shit from India and Nepal