Riding

Have had the idea of travelling the length of Vietnam by motorbike in the pipeline for a while now. Like a long time, even before Top Gear made the trip kinda famous. They did it with a support team, GPS, cars protecting them on the road and did the toursit route. I had none of this but a compass, a 90c road map. a screw driver, spare spark plug and engine computer and an adventerous attitude to go off the tourist trail. Reading forums online would suggest this a death sentence riding in Vietnam and if you are sensitive I suggest you don't look up Vietnamese road crashes on youtube. They will haunt you for life. Trust me

But many still do it, just have to be smart and don't drive out of your limits and always expect the unexpected

I had organised to purchase a motorbike from some westerners who have set up a shop selling bikes to tourists. http://vietnam-motorbikes.com/ You pay a bit more, but you know the bike actually works, you get maps and some advice where to stay and more importantly directions out of Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam, population 8 million. Thats a few people. Vietnam is by far the country where the motorbike reigns surpreme, anything can be carried, live pigs, caged birds, a 1m x 3m mirror. I've seen it all. Foreginers owning motorbikes is illegal, but a few US dollars will get you out of anything.

Having had little experience riding a manual motorbike apart from a refresh lesson back in Dunedin (thanks Simon) I was ready to hit the road with a few stalls under my belt. The bike of choice in a Honda Wave 100cc, 4 speed manual. The clutch is more forgiving than my mum and $6 petrol for 200km makes its pretty nice. Suspension is buttery smooth, far superior to the scooters I have been riding. It purrs along above 60km and it faster than the 115cc scooter I had. And its retro 70's vibe in gangsta as. I get given an ownership card with the bike, its in some Vietnamese guys name, doesn't matter. As long as you have the card you own the bike. Gotta love countries with whorey rules.

The boys at the shop mentioned of a girl who wanted to do the same ride, I offered to ride out of Hanoi with her the next morning at 10am.
The next morning I get there, 10am passes, we have a long day ahead of us. She arrives, not ready, doesn't have money to pay for the bike in full. (She was a really nice girl, just had a mare) Great start. After fucking around for an hour we are finally on the road, just to get petrol. Get our first taste of Hanoi traffic which is pretty light Vietnam standards but still busier than the South Auckland motorway if there was free KFC in the Northshore. Its hectic to say the least.  Yeah so eventually we fuel up, have some emotional issues as its her first time riding (perfect place to start!), then we head to Hanoi Backpacker to pick up and Irish dude who wants to join us. Leaving Hanoi takes a good hour, and we cover maybe 10km. Its 'controlled chaos' as many people say. 200 motorbikes (thats no exageration) and the odd bus hitting a 5 way intersection at once really is something else. Irish guy runs out of fuel, goes to fuel up, doesn't see that we have stopped and rides off to catch us. We lose him. Never see him again. Hanoi had him. Classic start. Finally clear of the town, girl and I are on the outskirts of town dealing with dust, being pushed off the road by trucks and shiity soviet building scenery. Already well behind time and still 140km to go through a mountain pass. I have to stop, tell her I'm ditching her. She has no map, is slow, we will be riding it dark if we don't hurry, I don't want to rush her so she kills herself. She hasn't planned anything and is cramping my style as I have to constantly wait for her. Already short on time due to overstaying in Laos I need to get rid of her to complete my trip in time. I feel like a dick but it had to be done. I told her she could stay at the bottom on the mountain. She agrees.
I then proceed to boost to the place called Mai Chau (open googlemaps people)
Road was super nice and the scenery would shit on Arthurs Pass any day, minimal photos due to rush...
This one does not do it justice at all...

After passing over the mountain and arriving at the base I'm faced with a T junction, now is where my 90c road map would be first to treat me. It doesn't even have where I'm going on it. Lucky I have my new $20 cellphone, gave the guesthouse a ring and got directions. Some local kid overheard my issues and ended up guiding me, even though a knew where I was going. Still had to pay him. He got 50c for his troubles.
I arrived at that time where you either turn your headlights on for safety or you still ride with them off cause you are badass. I think the correct term in twilight. So yeah was getting dark.
My guesthouse is mean, a house on stilts, mattress on bamboo floor, no windows. But very nice.
Rustic
Had a feed with some French Canadians and some Germans, spring rolls, rice, vegetables, bananas, Vietnamese omelette. Good good good. Have a yarn with them, 2 hours pass and guess who turns up. The girl, in the dark. Idiot. She just missed the epic scenery and had to ride in the dark. Mare, again.

One of the Vietnamese guys there speaks 7/10 english, (1/10 = 'where you go', 'sir, you buy' 5/10 = just hold a dry conversation, 10/10 = fluent english) So have a chat, hit the rice wine, leathal stuff that. Constant cheers for health and for lucky and 100% go down. Other random Viet guys join use, so does the girl. Conversation ranges from why westerners like dogs so much and that Vietnamese just eat them to valleys i should go to to find hot girls. Over the rice wine I dabble in some pigs tail, which again isn't bad, especially with dipping salt.
This guy then takes us to the randomest party ever.
Imagine Thai dancing, Karoke, University students (some were babes, Vietnamese = hottest asians) dancing round fires in a feild. The techno beats overriding the sound of the bong drum for the ethic thai dances.
Semi drunk so join in, felt so gay, but being the only westerners there I didn't care.
Eventually went back to the accom, planned the next days ride on googlemaps, found the only wifi in the whole valley. boo yah.


Next day, breakfast: noodle soup, ditch girl (ahhh had to!) and hit the road.
Single lane goodness, past the pulp mills, rice paddies, blue rivers, quarries, everyone waving at me. The tourist route stops where I stayed the previous night so was in the unknown.

Amazing riding through country unpolluted by the filth of the tourist dollar. 50k down the road needed a piss/drinks break. Stopped by some kids placing soccer in probably the most scenic pitch ever built. Joined in, put up some huge bombs even Izzy Dagg would be proud of, to the amazement of the kids, played goalie for a bit as they all tried their best. One guy got it through after he prayed before the shot, divine intervention.
As I left they all chased me on their push bikes down the road, wish I could have stayed, but long way to go.

Finally made it to the start of the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
Pretty standard riding for some 200km, good scenery, minimal traffic, no tourists but nothing intersting of note.

Stayed in Tan Ky that night, shit hole. Don't even get me started.
Dinner: Noodle soup

Left at 6.30am the next morning, now many of you think Asia is hot, far from it. It was easily below 5'. Misty as, 7 layers of clothes. No gloves. Freezing my ass off. No breakfast for a while.
Now I have these shorts that would pass as casual shorts, but you can add bottoms to them turning them into the fashion monstrosity that is travel pants, now mine are old so have an American douchebag flare to them, nearly covering my whole shoe, and due to the weather condition and them riding up my legs when riding I had to tuck them into my socks further amplifying the fashion crime. Had to be done. Vietnamese aren't fashionable but I got some looks when I had to get petrol and stop at numerous shops that sell everything you don't need in the hunt for gloves. I had tried wearing my pillow case on one hand to prevent it from freezing. Rough morning. But a rough day on holiday beats a good day at work anyday.

The get up

Hit a gold mine at a random town:
Breakfast: noodle soup and by far the best bread roll I have even had, 30c price, fresh from the oven, butter brushed on it. ohhh.
And to top it off I got some gloves from a guy who gave them to me, for free. Oh yes please.

Lunch: Noodle Soup. I was quite the attraction to the locals there as well, with parents bringing their children to come see me.

Then I rode into Utopia, breath taking scenery, I was often saying "fuck this is amazing" to myself. Lol
Again no tourists, nothing. Just waving locals and kids yelling 'Hello!' Words cannot really describe how it was. Going to be a shame when buses start rolling through these parts.

Paradise

The Ho Chi Minh Trail goes through the Phong Nha National Park where this photo was taken.

Ended up staying at the a hidden gem in the accom world. Phong Nha Farmstay. Run by an Australian in a small village overlooking endless rice paddies. The house was built where an old tile factory used to be which was bombed during the Vietnam War. The whole valley got bombed for 10 years straight. F that.
The owner was back in Australia with his Vietnamese wife so his friend was running it. What a character.
Aussie, came here, never left, no job, smokes hard.
NZ had just won the cricket (apparently) and he produced some classic lines such as: 'The Australian Cricketers all drive Lamborghinis and write cookbooks, they are all fucking wankers, I want them to go out and bleed for me when the play for Australia' That was a memorable line.
A Canadian was there also, ex golf pro, 60 years old, used golf winnings to fund his 60's lifestyle, 'I was doing LSD waaaay before it was popular, sooo pure man' (say it in a Canadian accent)

The chat went hard.

Later on 2 English dudes arrived, fresh from a 6 month stint in Afghanistan with the Royal Marines. Top guys. They were doing a similar trip to me but had a Vietnamese guide called Pinky. With a name like that you are born to be funny, he was.

Rode with them the next day, got past the 17th parallel (sounds so cool) which is the previous dividing line between North and South Vietnam. We head to Vinh Moc tunnels that were dug by the Vietnamese during the war. Got a special tour from a man who was born in the tunnels, he can't speak and is deaf but uses hand actions to describe what is where etc. Very interesting
He took us through parts of the tunnels tourists don't usually see. Top guy

Left my British friends, they were heading back inland.

Then I drove down Highway 1A to Hue, which is fucking crazy. Also known as the 'death trap'
Buses overtaking everything and anything. A bus overtaking 2 other buses and a truck carrying a shipping container into a blind corner with an oncoming bus was the highlight of this 40km. Brakes getting slammed on everywhere.
Some foreigners raced passed me, was just chilling and caught me by surprise. Caught up with them. Danish again. Rode into Hue with them, had pizza and a few beers and the day is over.


Stats and information so far:
Km covered: unknown speedo and odo don't work; approx 700-800km
Animals nearly hit: Dogs, Cows, Buffulo, Pigs, Hens, Roosters and a huge Butterfly
Lesson learn't: Always check where you stop after dismounting accident into buffulo poo
Days on the road: 4
Noodle soups consumed in 4 days: 8
Am I sick of noodle soup: surprisingly no

Halfway there, as the crow flys but have mountains all the way to Siagon/Ho Chi Minh City.

Peace

Again excuss spelling errors and other english related shit.